Sometimes, two friends have to be at the same point in their lives to have these kinds of conversations. For my old roommate, Lou and I, it was the fact that we’re both married, living in the suburbs, and have young daughters.

I was out with both my old roommates a while back. Lou graduated from one of the top law schools in the nation. I received a M.S. from arguably the top advertising program in the country. Then, there’s Coach, who’s probably smarter than the two of us put together. You know how everyone makes fun of Polish people for being dumb? They never met Coach. I guess what I’m getting at, is that we’re not a bunch of morons and chuckleheads.

The beer was flowing. The laughs were coming quickly and fiercely. The waitress was coming frequently. The tab was rapidly approaching the GDP of an emerging nation. I finally felt like the time was right to say something to Lou.

The Donkey: “Lou, I’ve got a question for you.”

Lou: “What?”

The Donkey: “Is it just me, or is that Swiper a real asshole?”


Lou: “Totally. And, don’t even get me started on Sneaky Pete.”

Coach: “You guys are idiots. We should be talking about strippers instead.”

At that point, you could hear the third of a million dollars in collective tuition being flushed down the toilet.